You Can Find Love in Despair
by charringSerpent
Summary: Trigger warnings. Read at your own risk.
1. Chapter 1

It was a cold December night when Jean made his way to the bridge on the outskirts of town. It had just begun to gently snow and he was already freezing from the cold, crisp air. White clouds rose into the air gracefully as he sat on the edge of the bridge, playing god. He ran a hand through his hair and thought about what finally drove him to this point. He sat there for a while mulling over everything then came to simple conclusion that he was just tired of his bullshit life. Tired of his abusive father, his mother missing from his life, but mostly he was tired of not being loved. He gently wiped the blood off his face. He had done something wrong again, (he didn't really know what but then again when did he ever?) and his father had attacked him with a broken beer bottle. He had many wounds on his arms and face and a lump on his head where his father had it him on the head before the bottle shattered.

He sat there for a while and every so often he would scoot a little closer to the edge of the bridge only to get frightened at the height and rushing water and scoot back. He just needed some time to build his courage up. He started to drift off deep into his mind as he thought about how nobody would miss him.

Even though cares kept passing by him it was well over a hour before someone had stopped. He could hear the tires squeal as the car stopped fast. He then heard it back up, the ignition shut off and the door open and slam shut. He heard foot steps and crunching snow as the stranger sat down next to him. They were silent for a moment, then Jean started to speak as though he had known this person forever.

"Nice night isn't it?"

"Yeah, i guess it is. It's a bit too cold for my liking though" Jean chuckled. They were silent for a few more moments before Jean spoke again.

"Why did you stop?"

"You look like you needed someone to talk to."

"Are you willing to listen?"

"Of course." Jean thought for a moment.

"I don't know. I don't even know your name."

"If you want to know my name i'll tell you. If that will make you feel better." Jean sighed. They stayed silent for a short time before the stranger spoke again in a gentle tone.

"It's Marco." Jean smiled.

"My name's Jean."

"Nice to meet you Jean."

"Likewise" They were silent again for a few minutes before Jean spoke.

"Will you really listen?"

"Yes."

"Do you really care?"

"Of course."

"Why?"

"Because you wouldn't't be sitting here if you weren't't going to jump and i'm not about to let that happen to a friend."

"But you just met me."

"Yeah i know but i feel as though we could be friends. If you want to be" Jean chuckled.

"Sure. We can be friends."

"Good. Now tell me everything"

It only took about ten minutes for Jean to tell Marco what he had been dying to get off his chest for years. He told him about how when his mom died when he was ten that his dad turned to alcohol and sex to keep out of severe depression. He said how there was a new woman in his bed almost every night. How he beat Jean almost every day. He told him how he got picked on every day at school as a child, how he had to wear long sleeves and pants year round because of the scars littering his body and, most of all, how lonely he was.

"And that's that it guess." Jean sighed as he tried to hold back tears. He felt a hand on his and he looked over at the other boy. He inwardly gasped. This was the first time he really looked at the stranger. He could see in the moonlight poking through the clouds that he had beautiful chocolate brown eyes and messy black hair. Freckles littered his face. He looked sad. Jean didn't know why but he felt angry at himself for upsetting this boy.

"look i'm sorry that i kinda dropped all this on you. Just don't worry about me okay? I'll be fine. You don't have to sit with me any longer"

"But i want to sit here. I'll sit here for as long as you need me to" Jean sighed and looked up at the sky.

"Do you need a place to stay tonight?" This question caught Jean by surprise.

"What?"

"My roommate just moved out so you can sleep in his bed if you want. Or on the couch. Anywhere you feel comfortable" Jean studied the older boy's face looking for sincerity.

"Why are you being so nice to me? You've only known me for about half an hour. For all you know I could be a serial killer." Marco chuckled.

"I don't think you're a serial killer. And as for the being nice part. I know how you feel that's why." Marco looked up at the sky. He seemed to be lost in thought for a moment. He then started to speak in a slow, sad tone.

"I lost my father at a young age. My mother fell into a deep depression and i had to paratactically raise myself at the age of nine. I still get picked on at college and I have a few scars myself." Jean looked at Marco completely shocked. He felt anger, sadness and relief. Anger at the kids who were mean to this beautiful boy, sadness that he had to grow up so poorly and relief that he was not alone.

"Actually...there's more then just scars." Jean gasped. Sadness flowed through his veins. It took quite a bit of courage to answer him the way he did.

"Same here."

"Sucks having to hid them dosen't it?"

"Yeah." Silence stayed about them for a few minutes before Jean spoke.

"Hey Marco?"

"Yeah?"

"I think i'll take you up on that couch offer." He could hear the smile in the boys voice.

"Great. Let's go then. It's freezing out here." Jean chuckled and followed Marco to his car.


	2. Chapter 2

Jean watched the windshield wipers on Marco's car sway back and forth. He found it strangely calming as he sorted through his thoughts. Just a little while ago he was sitting on the edge of a bridge planing to jump. Then a random stranger comes along and he starts telling him things he wouldn't tell his closest friends, if he had friends to talk to. Jean sighed and laid his head back on the seat. He glanced over at Marco who had started crying about five minutes ago. When Jean asked him what was wrong he just said that he didn't want to talk about it so he left it alone.

They rode in silence for about five more minutes until Marco pulled over the car on the side of the freeway because he started to sob uncontrollably. Jean looked over at him with a very concerned look on his face.

"Marco? You okay?" Marco sobbed out something that sounded like a no.

"You wanna talk about it?" Another no sounding word. Jean thought for a moment then looked back at Marco, who's head was resting on the steering wheel.

"You wanna hug?" Marco didn't answer. He just grabbed Jean, wrapped his arms around his shoulder and buried his face in his neck like he had been waiting for him to ask that. Jean almost instantly wrapped his arms around Marco rubbing his back and whispering soothing words into his ear. It broke Jean's heart to hear this beautiful boy cry but he didn't try to get him to stop.

"I'm not going to tell you to stop crying because i hate when people do that. Cry as much as you want. I won't stop you." These words made Marco sob louder. Jean could feel Marco's tears soaking through his jacket. That's when Jean broke. Tears started streaming down his face. He tried to stay strong for Marco's sake but soon he was sobbing just like the other boy. He buried his face into the crook of Marco's neck and just cried.

They sat there for what seemed like an eternity, crying into each others shoulders. Both boys unable to stop as their hearts broke hearing the other cry. After about five minutes of crying Marco manged to stop. He held Jean gently swaying back and forth trying to calm him down. When Jean stopped he didn't let go. It seemed that neither one of them wanted to in fear of losing the other. This is bullshit Jean thought as he hugged Marco tighter.

I just met this guy and now i can't let him go. I'm afraid i'll lose him. For some reason, i don't want him to ever leave me. A warm feeling stired in Jean chest. The same feeling as when he first looked at Marco. NO. Jean thought. I can't be falling for this guy. I barely know him. Plus i'm not gay. Okay just ignore it. Maybe it's not what you think it is. Just ignore it and it will go away. Jean was the first one to pull away. Marco reluctantly let go. He let out a small laugh as he wiped away his tears.

"I'm sorry Marco."

"No, don't be sorry. It's not your fault." Marco placed his hands back on the steering wheel and started the car.

They sat in silence for a while with the occasional sniffle from either boy. It was Marco who broke the silence.

"I was thinking about you" Jean looked over at him.

"Huh?"

"That's why i started crying. I was thinking what would have happened I hadn't stormed out of my girlfriend's house and went for a drive. I wouldn't have found you and i wouldn't have made such a good friend." Jean eyes widened when Marco mentioned the word girlfriend. He felt sadness take over him and something else. Jealousy? No impossible. Why would i be jealous? I don't like guys. I don't care if Marco has a girlfriend. Even if i was gay, he's not so there's no chance. So forget it. Although Jean couldn't forget it. The sadness and jealousy stayed with him even after they got to Marco's appartement building. They both got out of the car and walked through the freezing rain to the large, brightly lit building. They walked over to the elevator and Marco punched the button for floor number five. Marco's face lit up as though he remembered something. He turned to Jean.

"Why did you start crying?"

"What?"

"In the car. You started crying too. Why was that?" Jean was about to answer when the elevator doors opened.

"Oh this is our floor." Marco grabbed Jean's jacket sleeve and dragged him out of the elevator and down the hall to apartment number 222. He took a key out of his shirt pocket and unlocked the door.

Just as they walked through the door the phone started to ring. Marco quickly answered it with a cheerful tone that almost immediately turned sour.

"Hello? Oh, what do you want?" Jean could hear incoherent yelling coming from the other end. It sounded like a sighed and moved the phone away from his face.

"Make Yourself at home Jean. I'll be with you in a second."

Jean could hear "Jean?! Who the hell is Jean?!" from the female voice. Must be his girlfriend Jean sneered in his head as he walked over to the couch sitting down. A pang of anger run through him but it was gone in a heartbeat but the jealousy stayed.

He listened to Marco and his girlfriend, whom he called Annie, argue for over half an hour. All the while his jealousy was growing.

Marco slammed the phone down on the receiver. His last words were "You know what?! We're done!"

He had been arguing with her on "how there's nothing going on between the two of them" and "that Jean was just a friend". This left Jean a smoldering pile of hate, jealously and sadness. He still denied liking Marco. Even if he is single now Jean thought. I still don't like men. Just ignore it Jean and it will go away. Marco stood there with his head bowed down with his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I am really sorry that you had to hear that. It's just that-" Marco then ranted on "how much of a bitch she is" and "how they had dated for two years" and "that everything was fine until her dad got sick". All the while Jean's jealousy was growing. He suddenly stood up and slammed Marco into the wall. He started to shout at the older boy.

"Shut up! I've been sitting here for almost an hour listening you argue with that bitch! I'm so sick of hearing about her! Just shut up!" Marco was speechless as he stared into the eyes of now panting Jean. He stood there with his mouth hanging open until Jean realized what he had said. He let go of Marco and backed away.

"Look Marco i'm sorry I shouldn't have said those things." He looked up at Marco. He looked scared.

"I'm sorry Marco... I'll let myself out." Jean made his toward the door. He had every intent on heading back to the bridge after what he had just done. He walked out of Marco's appartement and started to head down the stairs.


End file.
